8 Ways To Master The Art Of Small Talk
Picture the scene: you’ve just walked into a room full of people you’ve never met before. Everyone has someone to talk to except you, and they all seem to be deep in conversation. You resist the urge to whip out your phone and pretend to answer an ‘important’ message (read: scroll through Instagram). Suddenly, you spot someone looking at you over by the window, also on their own. You gather the courage to walk over but you don’t know what to say.
We’ve all been there, whether you’re at a networking event, a party, or on your lunch break on your first day at work, making small talk with strangers, or people you don’t know very well can be scary.
What are we afraid of? Are we worried the other person won’t like us, or that they’ll think we’re boring? Are we scared that we will run out of things to say? Maybe speaking to new people just isn’t our thing.
Whatever it is, here are a few tips and tricks to keep in mind the next time you find yourself in this situation. After all, making small talk with someone new could be the start of a life-long friendship or business relationship. Stop hiding in the bathroom — go out and own that room.
Don’t worry about being awkward
First things first, stop worrying. Try to relax and be yourself — you’re an interesting person with a lot to contribute to a conversation. What’s the worst that can happen? If you can’t think of anything at all to say and there’s an awkward silence, make light of it. Laughing together about the awkwardness is sure to break the ice.
Tweak your questions
Open-ended questions are key to mastering small talk. Try to weave them in to help the conversation flow. Closed questions like “Did you have a nice weekend?” are usually followed by “yes”, “no” or “it was ok”, which tend to end conversations pretty quickly. Even slight changes make a difference: “How was your weekend” opens up the conversation as people tend to expand a bit more.
Listen
It might sound obvious but listen to what the other person is saying, instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Be genuinely interested in their answer, be curious, and present in the conversation — you’ll find it much easier to pick up on the details and find common ground to help you provide an interesting response. Allow the conversation to flow naturally and you’ll be chatting away in no time.
Think differently
Have a few interesting, open-ended questions up your sleeve to help conversations flow when meeting people for the first time. Steer away from the usual chit-chat about the weather or work and try: “What do you like to do in your free time?” or “What would be your ideal way to spend a weekend in the city?”. Or, after finding out where someone is from, you could ask them what their favorite thing about their hometown is.
If you’re feeling particularly creative: “If you could have one superpower what would it be?”. It’s random, it’s different, it’s an odd way to start a conversation perhaps but it never fails to get people talking.
Practice makes perfect
Whether it’s in the line for coffee, at the supermarket, or even with family, practice asking open-ended questions and listening to the response. Most people are glad to have someone to talk to and will respond, but don’t worry if they don’t — maybe they’ve had a bad day, don’t take it personally.
Add interesting anecdotes
Try not to provide one-word, closed responses to questions. This will immediately cut the conversation short. Interesting anecdotes in your responses will provide hooks for the other person to continue and deepen the conversation. For example, instead of “Good thanks” when someone asks how you are, try: “Good, thanks I’m looking forward to the weekend — I’m taking a life drawing class”, or whatever you do with your weekends. You never know, you might find something in common.
Be positive
It can be so easy to revert to gossip when you find yourself looking for something to say. Try to avoid controversial or political topics, particularly when speaking to a new person. There’s a chance they may associate any negativity surrounding the conversation with you, so try to focus on positive topics.
Read the signs
Learn to recognize when the conversation slumps. Sometimes you’ll run out of topics, and that’s fine. You can’t be expected to talk forever — it’s called small talk for a reason. If you’re ready to end the conversation, be polite, and excuse yourself. Or, even better, introduce someone else to the conversation if you can. If it’s been a particularly enjoyable chat, don’t forget to exchange contact details!
